There were so many nights that I stayed up late cleaning well after everyone was in bed, just so we didn’t have to start out each new day in a house full of dirty dishes, crumbs and toys strewn across the floor.
“There is a season for everything…”
As stepmoms and bio moms, we are often pulled in so many different directions, aren’t we?
As a stepmom of two big kids and bio mom of three little ones, over the years I have had to tend to the needs of the older kids that are often so unique to the needs of the smaller children in the home.
Yet, as I look back, I can see the beauty in each stage and season, even when things seemed chaotic at the time! God has always known what our family has needed.
In fact, I remember when our family represented every stage of child development in our home, or at least pretty close to it:
We had a teenage girl, a preteen boy, a preschool-age girl, a toddler son and a newborn baby. Just thinking back to that time makes me wonder how we made it through each day!
Yet, even on the worst days, I tried to make a point of counting my blessings and investing in the young people in our home who would be off on their own, outside of our influence, before we knew it.
This too shall pass.
As I think back to the months leading up to our third baby’s due date, our stepdaughter was finishing her senior year of high school.
I remember feeling the sting of preparing myself to say goodbye to my teenage stepdaughter as she made plans to attend college the following fall.
While we were overjoyed for her new adventures to come, inwardly I panicked:
How would my teenage stepson do in a house full of little children without his teen sister in the home as an ally? She had always been his anchor.
It’s true: We were smack dab in the teenage boy angst years after all, complete with back talk, limit pushing and lots of blaming. I worried my “ours” little ones would bear the brunt of his frustrations.
So I did what any irrational pregnant woman would do:
I looked into getting a foreign exchange student for the following school year.
And so after a lot prayer and strategically-timed conversations so my stepson wouldn’t impulsively reject the idea, he (and my husband!) finally got on board.
God knew who our family needed — especially my stepson — and at the end of the summer, as our new baby had just turned four months old and my stepdaughter was packing to leave for college, Fynn arrived at our house from Germany for the school year.
Our already lively home was now occupied by two teenage boys, even more stinky socks and an even higher grocery bill.
But it was worth it.
Instead of my stepson’s teen angst being directed at his little siblings, he again had a teen-ally in the home…a “brother” his own age with whom to talk and go on adventures and commiserate about school.
It was just how I had envisioned it. Fynn brought tremendous balance to my stepson.
Having an outside influence in our home proved helpful for me, too.
For the first time in our stepfamily life, there was an outside voice of reason to validate me when my stepson was out of line. My stepson may not have wanted to hear it from me, but he listened to Fynn.
And he brought a different perspective to my stepson.
In the moments of the greatest chaos, when my stepson tried to assure Fynn he would be glad to be back to the peace and quiet of his house in Germany, Fynn said something so simple, yet profound that validated us all:
He said he would miss the chaos. It was too quiet in his house in Germany, he said.
And with that simple statement, my stepson had to consider that the life he often resented might actually be appealing to someone else.
Having Fynn live at our house was an experience that I know God allowed for that season for a reason. In fact, my stepson was so inspired by having Fynn live with us that he decided to study abroad in New Zealand for a semester his senior year of high school!
Truth be told, I have always enjoyed having different ages and personalities in the home.
I have enjoyed the different stages of child development; I have appreciated the color that it brings to life. It’s been fun to see older kids take time to invest in their younger siblings (even if it was completely on their terms!).
I have cherished spending time with and reading to my little ones, homeschooling them and having play dates during the day. But I have also appreciated the teenage conversations that come late in the evening, when the little ones are in bed. It has been a blessing to be able to help them work through teen/young adult issues and invest in their future.
Of course, I have also experienced moments of overwhelm, burnout, and the feeling like I was barely hanging on! Sometimes I have longed for peace and quiet or a moment alone, or at least not everyone needing me right at the same time.
This was especially true when a teen was trying to tell me something right as a baby needed a diaper change or was having a temper tantrum! Or when a teen stepchild was making poor choices and it was affecting the rest of our family.
But through it all, I have been reminded that God’s grace is sufficient for ALL our needs…
Even when life isn’t pretty,
Even when there are emotions running high,
Even when attitudes are flared up,
Even when the budget is being stretched to the max.
God has gotten me through each moment of each day. Even when I was feeling depleted and just plain TIRED! And He desires the same for you.
Nowadays, as my older stepkids have both moved out for college, life is definitely different.
Sometimes it’s nice to just be dealing with the little ones and one general stage of child development, even when I miss my stepkids. Other times, I look forward to the variety of when we can all be together again.
I have seen firsthand the words of King Solomon ring true — that there a season for everything under heaven.
Whatever your current situation is, I encourage you to let God breathe strength into you to get through each moment of chaos that each day will surely bring.
Look for the blessings of experiencing the mundane details of life. Look for the beauty in the chaos.
Find ways to be thankful.
Let your rest be wholesome and satisfying, not ridden with worry about what tomorrow will bring.
And remember that this, too, shall pass. There is a season for everything. A season for chaos and a season for quiet. And they can both be wonderful.
