Three words I never thought I’d say to my husband about my stepson after a FaceTime call with him:
“He’s so sweet.”
Seriously. What?!
“Sweet” and my stepson would never have been two words I would have put together in one sentence.
Never. Not even when he was nine years old and we were getting him all dressed up to be the ring bearer in our wedding. And he looked so little and handsome, but under that sinister little smile was a boy who was scheming his next strike.
So, the word sweet? Not that word.
My stepdaughter and the word sweet? Sure! Pretty much a majority of the time. Of course, everyone has their moments. I do. She does. But in general, that word fits her.
So what describes my stepson? How about words like top negotiator, smart, inventive, super creative, somewhat cynical, talkative, obsessive, adventurous. For sure.
But sweet?
So how did those words get uttered from my mouth? Honestly, I was actually pretty surprised with myself after I said them.
It’s because he’s growing up.
All the compassion, respect and kindness we have tried to model to him is coming full circle.
No, we weren’t perfect. Especially me, since a lot of the attitudes were directed at me over the years and it took a lot of learning for me to hold my tongue.
But all those years and days and moments of investing in him? He sensed it.
He sensed the way we treated him with kindness so he’d treat others similarly;
the way we listened to him so he’d listen to others;
the way we believed in him and cheered him on so he’d believe in others and cheer them on.
So often, it seemed like all the lessons and modeling and teaching were in vain. He was still disrespectful. He was still negative.
Until he wasn’t.
Until he starting growing up and figuring out his place in the world.
Until he realized that you make friends when you’re kind and you lose them if you’re not.
Until he realized how much we truly care about him and his well-being always, even if he was acting unlovable.
And so last night, after he told us all about life as a freshman in college and his new friends and extra curricular activities and professors, and life on campus, he thanked us for talking with him.
And he said he loves us both. Twice. I could hardly believe my ears.
And he smiled. And it melted my heart.
So when we got off the phone, I said: “He’s so sweet.” And I surprised myself, and probably my husband, but it was true.
Keep investing, Mom, Stepmom, Dad, Stepdad, Grandparent, Caregiver. Keep being kind even when it seems counter productive. Keep believing in the child and keep smiling.
You never know; it might just be reflected back to you someday.
