How On Earth Are We Supposed to Maintain Friendships During Quarantine?

I set my glass of water down on the desk and logged into my account in the room that has become my husband’s make-shift home office, our private music lesson teaching space, and the all-important “Zoom Room.” (You know, the little area where you can pretend your whole house looks that tidy?)

In just a few moments, I would begin to see familiar faces pop up onto the screen. We would be spending the next hour and a half sharing some of the highs and lows from our week. Seeing the ladies from our community mom’s group on a Zoom call, as well as meeting up with other friends, colleagues, and family members, has become a highlight during the Great Hibernation from Humanity, a.k.a. Covid-19 quarantine.

Embracing the Changes

No matter who you are or what your previous existence looked like, all of our lives have changed. And as much as you may have embraced this slower lifestyle and extra time with your family, it’s possible you might be feeling just as stir crazy as the little ones you are trying so hard to distract from jumping on the couch or whacking each other with light sabers.  

You’ve changed plans, cancelled birthday parties, bought extra food and paper products and created a mini grocery store at home.  Maybe you or your husband have moved your office home, and it’s possible you just added the term “homeschool mom” to your already-burgeoning job description.

And right about now, all you can think is: Can we please get out and have a play date?  (You know, the kind of play date that is just as much for the mom as it is for the kids?)

But alas, unless you remain 6-feet apart to uphold social-distancing standards, the prospect of seeing mom friends in person will be like watching that last pack of toilet paper get snatched out of your grasp on aisle four!

Those Much-Needed Mom Friends

As a pre-COVID-19 stay-at-home homeschool mom, I can assure you that it is normal to need to get out of the house, because while our kids need a change of scenery and their friends, so do we moms!

Now more than ever we’re going to need a mom-friend to raise a collective coffee mug as we manage potty-training struggles, whining and fighting children, and a pantry that is quickly being depleted.  We’ll need to lean on each other through our questions, fears about what the future holds, and ideas about how to make the best of each day — perhaps now more than ever before.  

But while being in quarantine might take some of our freedom, it can’t take away our friendships!

With a little creativity, and a bit of uninhibited fortitude, this time of quarantine just might be the chance to nurture old and new friendships in a way we never could have expected.

10 Ways to Maintain Friendships During Quarantine:

1. Reach out to that old, dear friend. 

Your friendship is priceless and cherished, but somehow the months, or even years, have passed since you’ve connected over the phone. You just never seem to have time to sit down for conversation you just know will take two hours because you have so much catching up to do! But guess what? Now you have those two hours. And then some!

2. Utilize video messaging for you and your kids. 

This isn’t a novel idea; we’ve all been using video messaging to talk to the grandparents and cousins. But during quarantine, a virtual play date might be a lifeline for you and your kids! You can chat with a friend and let your kids talk together or show each other what they’ve been making or doing. Your kids can make funny faces at each other while you and their mom catch up and share some laughs.

3. Start a group messaging thread. 

Think of some moms with whom you share something in common   Maybe your kids are in a sport or dance class together or you are acquaintances from church. Initiate a group thread like “Tumbling Class Moms” or “Mrs. Martin’s 4th Grade Class Moms!” and ask how everyone is hanging in there. Share pictures from your day with each other documenting the good, the bad and the ugly. You’ll find that everyone is craving a place to connect even if you don’t know each other that well.  

4. Check in with work colleagues.

If you’re used to connecting with co-workers at work but are now being forced to work from home, reach out. Make the effort to check in with those friends daily, even if it’s just to say hi or ask how their day is going.

5. Use Zoom to keep small groups going. 

With churches going online, so are many church small groups. It might feel awkward at first, but using Zoom to connect with your friend groups or church small group can be a powerful tool while in quarantine. Meeting over Zoom or Messenger might not have the same energy as meeting in person, but it can serve the purpose of maintaining and preserving all that hard work of investing in each other’s lives.

6. Use social media for the good it offers. 

Find an online support group or community that builds you up and encourages you with like-minded people. Try to avoid spending time around people on social media who want to wallow in their suffering or complain; rather, find an authentic place where you can share your struggles and victories in an encouraging and insightful environment. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, start your own group!

7. Find a way to bless a friend or a person in need in an unexpected way. 

Recently on a cloudy, dismal day, a friend of mine and her children rang our doorbell with a plate of assorted cookies. Not only had this mom been able to bond with her kids by baking, they blessed us with a quick cookie delivery and a smile. Just about anyone would welcome a homemade craft these days, too! 

8. Reach out to an estranged friend. 

Think about a friend you’ve had a falling out with somewhere in the past, whether there was something said or done. Ever since then, there’s been a feeling of loss for that friendship lurking under the surface. Sometimes when we are confronted with something that makes life feel fragile and vulnerable, it can be the perfect time to extend that olive branch and hope for a fresh start.

9. Write letters or cards. 

You can have your kids do this for their friends, and encourage them to find a pen-pal. Or you can enlist their help to write encouraging notes or thank-you cards to medical workers, first responders, retail workers, or nursing home staff and residents.  Recently a mom in our mom’s group suggested starting a card ministry and many others jumped on board. Use this time in quarantine to teach your kids compassion and the power of showing gratitude.

10. Whatever you do, don’t stop communicating! 

Whatever that looks like for you – whether it’s a quick text with, “Hey, how’s your day going?” or a longer phone call or a virtual play date, or even forming a car circle in a quiet parking lot, let’s collectively join together by laying down our insecurities and assumptions about how our efforts will be received and simply reach out.  

This is a unique time and we’re all learning as we go.  Just because we’re in quarantine, however, doesn’t mean that the friendships in which we’ve invested so much need to be lost or forgotten. 

The risk of putting ourselves out there is far less than the dangers of isolation.  

In fact, if we’re brave and initiate a connection, we will probably find that most everyone is craving the exact same thing!