I remember the days (not so long ago, in fact) when my kids were all 5 and under and I’d get it in my head that all I wanted to accomplish that day was to clean the house.
Okay, maybe “cleaning” was an exaggeration. I mean, I would have even been happy with just making it less gross at that point. Declutter, wash dishes, wipe counters, vacuum…you know…something.
Yet, somehow it seemed whenever I made lofty goals like that, that’s exactly when the kids started fighting, whining, or throwing everything back on the floor that I had just put away.
And you can pretty much assume those were the days they refused to take their much-needed naps.
Maybe it was Murphy’s Law. Or maybe it’s because my kids could sense my agitated attitude about getting something accomplished at home.
Yet, I had a mission to get some cleaning done. And because that was my over-arching goal for the day, I felt like we couldn’t relax, play, go to the park — do anything — until it was done.
On a logical level, I knew that my kids were acting out partly because they needed my love and attention in that moment. And, truthfully, I would have loved to be able to sit down with them and read books and play on the floor alongside them.
On a clean floor. In a clean house.
But instead of feeling free to indulge in those moments of sweet togetherness, their resistance simply felt like a major inconvenience. And because I was “fighting the system,” I ended up scolding and disciplining more than I wanted.
“Is it too much to ask to clean this house?” I’d wonder in frustration.
I was overwhelmed and felt a combination of frustration with my kids, frustration with myself for not being able to make everyone happy, and the feeling of just wanting to get one room of the house clean.
Then one day it hit me. I threw up hands up in the air in defeat.
“Fine! We’re going to the splash pad. The house can wait. Let’s get our swimsuits on!”
And we did. We left the house and the dirty dishes and piles of clutter and un-vacuumed floors behind us and drove to the park.
And you know what? They relaxed and I relaxed. They glowed and sang out, “Mommy, look at me!” I laughed and cheered them on. We played and moved around in the fresh air and they got their pent-up energy out.
Their imaginations came out and so did their giggles as they skipped around the spraying fountains.
And when it was time to go, everyone had a different perspective on the day. As we packed back into the minivan to head home, we were wet and refreshed and feeling rejuvenated.
Their inner need for my love and attention had been met. Their need for fresh air had been taken care of, and a heaviness had been lifted off me.
And the ironic thing?
Once we got home, they took their naps or played contentedly while I had a chance to clean the house…in far less time that it had taken me when I had been fighting the system.
I had learned a Mommy-sized lesson that day.
After that, whenever it was possible, that became my pattern. When I tried to go against the flow of “kid brain” and we were all reaching that point of misery, I’d simply pack us up and leave.
Sometimes that has meant just going outside and playing in the fresh air for a few minutes. Sometimes it has meant a trip to the children’s museum, park or pool. Other times it has meant just sitting down with the kids for a game of UNO, a book, crayons and paper, Play Doh or a puzzle, trying to ignoring the mess all around me.
Either way, when my children sense I am willing to move at their pace for a while, they are usually more than happy to occupy themselves while I oblige my mommy list afterward. In fact, I started adding *playing with kids* on my mental to-do list, and that made me feel a sense of accomplishment even when other things on my list didn’t get done that day.
We moms don’t need to completely sacrifice our goals. But being flexible with our list can make all the difference in the world. And once our kids’ needs are met, we usually all have a better day because of it!
