Our Story

Does any girl ever grow up thinking she will become a stepmom someday?

I sure didn’t. Not because I had anything against it; it just wasn’t on my radar.  Frankly, I didn’t even know anyone growing up who had a stepmom. Stepmoms were kind of an unknown topic usually left for Disney movies.

But then I met my husband and all of the sudden a whole new world was placed before me.

It was a world where two simple words, “I do,” could turn me into an insta-mom to a 12 and 9-year old.  And it was a world where I would be a new wife to a man who had already built a life with a wife that preceded me.

Admittedly, it was a world I was a little nervous about entering into. But as they say, ignorance is bliss, and my nerves didn’t stand a chance to get in the way.

I was ready as ever.

I might have entered the marriage thinking I could “rescue” this little family, but nothing prepared me for the wild ride of emotions that being a stepmom puts you on.

And, believe me when I say that after almost nine years of marriage, it has indeed been a wild ride!

Before we got married, my husband and I had such a whirlwind romance that I didn’t even know his middle name before the wedding.  Well, I might be slightly exaggerating.  I did know his middle name.  As musicians, we had met as colleagues teaching at a music camp and it didn’t take long to realize it was meant to be.

But since we lived two state apart, our courtship meant short weekend visits spent over wine and Italian food or fondue.  And that included lots of romantic long walks, talking about our future, wobbly knees and gazing into each other’s eyes.

When he introduced me to his kids, it was wonderful.  It was like we were already a little family.  The personality quirks he and his kids possessed were pure and simply: cute.

But then we got married and over the next weeks and months, I felt an avalanche threatening to crush me under its weight.  The avalanche was my new husband, his daughter and his son and ALL their history and ALL their habits.

Those “cute” personality quirks were frankly starting to seem less cute.  Sometimes they felt downright suffocating.

Our first year of marriage required a lot of figuring things out.  There were misunderstandings and hurt feeling; unmet expectations and unmet emotional needs.

And, at times, there was even questioning whether the decision to get married was the right one.

But just as the seasons change, by God’s grace, so do families.

And we have worked through things and there have been sweet, grace-filled moments in our life as a blended family.  There have been babies added to the family.  There have been moments that I have been so proud of my stepkids that I have been brought to tears.

And just when I think things will be better, there will be raw, difficult moments where the tears sting my cheeks. Sometimes all within the same day.  But then we work through things again.

Through it all, being a stepmom has brought me to my knees and has allowed me to feel God’s closeness as He has walked me through so many situations and emotions.

He has loved me when I knew I was acting unlovable, and shown me ways to love an at-times unlovable stepchild or husband.

I know I am the person I am today because of the struggles that came with navigating the uncharted waters of blended family life.

So why write about our life and expose all the raw emotions?

Now that my stepdaughter is 20 and in college, and my stepson is a busy high school senior, I finally feel like I have a chance to breathe, reflect and recapitulate on all the things this journey has taught me.

We are close to the end of a significant phase of raising my husband’s children – our children – together.

Friend, it doesn’t matter how tough you are:  The life of a stepmom can be too much for even the strongest woman to bear.

And then she begins to question her identity as she loses herself in the blended family.

Or she thinks she’s just plain going crazy.  Or she thinks she is messing everything up.

I know because I have been there.

If left unchecked, that stepmom can slowly lose the desire to keep on fighting for her marriage and her stepchildren.

But, God has a different plan for you.

One that is filled with hope, not darkness.

Regardless of how deep the pain, how tired and anxious you are, how just plain “over it” you are:  God has a plan to redeem you and your family.

My desire is for stepmoms like you to take that huge pack filled with burdens that is slung over your shoulder, dragging you down, and drop it at the foot of the cross.

You don’t even have to know how to ask God to fix it.

You just need to LET GO.

You are NOT just a stepmom. You are a dearly loved child of God. Join me and discover just a little more of what that means for you. ~Heidi

Want the anxiety of step-motherhood to leave you alone? Click here for ways to experience peace!