Does society accept Mother’s Day for stepmoms? Should bonus moms be celebrated on Mother’s Day? After all, they’re not “real moms,” right? Let’s hear from you – a real stepmom!
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Let’s ask you – a real stepmom – who met a man and fell in love with not just him, but with his children.
Let’s ask you – a real woman who has made a conscious decision to give of your time, money and heart to his kids…sharing, sacrificing and serving.
That has felt real.
The one who made a vow to love and cherish – not just your husband, but his kids, which has sometimes meant having to bury your dreams of what you had thought marriage and motherhood might look like.
That has felt real.
The one who has stayed up late helping with homework, organizing birthday parties and sleepovers, graduation parties and weddings, and then has gotten up early to make breakfast and pack school lunches, or help watch your bonus grand babies, whether you got a “thank you” or not.
That has felt real.
The one…
…who has sat in parent-teacher conferences and audiences for band, choir and theater performances, or in the sports stands, cheering your stepkids/bonus kids on,
…who has gotten up in the middle of the night to clean up after a sick bonus kiddo or make a call to the ER doctor,
…who has spent hours and hours of your marriage trying to talk through the frustrations of co-parenting,
…who has held your head in frustration trying to get on the same page with discipline or holding kids accountable for their actions – and wondering if the whole blended family thing will ever make sense,
…but who has gotten up the next day and made a conscious decision to serve and love the ones God put in your life or in your care.
That has all felt real.
…the one who has dearly valued your bonus kids’ emotions, dreams, spiritual journey, and has prayed over their lives.
That was definitely real.
Stepmoms/Bonus mamas, you are not the biological mom…
No, you didn’t go through 9 months of pregnancy, labor, or even the younger years of life with them.
And no, you don’t want to take their mother’s place!
And in fact, out of love for your bonus kid, you actually want to encourage and honor the relationship with their mother the best way you can.
You also want to do your best to offer that child the love and respect he/she deserves.
So what do stepmoms offer?
You offer major heart space to children you did not give birth to.
You offer a kind smile, hands that serve, and patience for things that just aren’t easy or natural.
Bonus moms, you give and give, though sometimes you are reminded that they’re not the “real mom.”
It’s true. Stepmoms are not the “real” moms in the biological sense.
But you are real. You are a real person with real value! You are a daughter of God who has your own real dreams, desires, thoughts and feelings.
Stepmoms, did you know you have your own day to celebrate if you want? Stepmother’s Day is Sunday, May 19, 2024!
So should Stepmoms/Bonus moms be celebrated on Mother’s Day?
My Mother’s Day gift to you, Stepmom!
Click HERE for a special May Stepmother’s Day Coaching Special with Heidi Farrell
Click HERE for this free printable for stepmoms for 8 ways to go from feeling like an outsider to a confident, content stepmom!
These words are for you, my fellow stepmom/bonus mama. These words can be your voice when you need the words to express how you are feeling around this time of the year — a time that can feel so awkward, so hollow, so painful.
Whether you celebrate Mother’s Day is up to you to decide.
Because I KNOW that so many of you are giving of yourselves and your heart to your stepkids.
Some of you are doing this, even when you have been blatantly rejected by your stepkids for various reasons.
For a lot of stepmoms, a simple gesture of acknowledgment would go a long way with you, wouldn’t it? A simple “thank you” would mean the world to you.
Sometimes stepkids are capable of doing that. Other times, it’s simply not realistic for this season of life.
But whether or not you are acknowledged by your stepkids, know this: Their response is not a reflection of your heart, your love, your determination, and your sacrifice.
See, one of the things we stepmoms/bonus moms have in common is the desire to be seen for the person we are on the inside.
We share a desire to be seen beyond the “stepmom” title that can mean different things to so many people.
We’re doing all the mom things: welcoming kids into our life with open arms, inviting struggle and hardship…
…but knowing it’s worth it because of the love and grace that God has given us.
Stepmoms/Bonus mamas, you are real.
You are seen. You are loved. If not by your family, certainly by God. Your investment is changing lives. Keep on loving and doing what God has called you to do.
And even if it’s just you and your husband celebrating you on Mother’s Day, or if it means celebrating Stepmother’s Day on May 19, 2024, celebrate hard, knowing you are doing a good thing!
My Mother’s Day gift to you, Stepmom!
Click HERE for a special May Stepmother’s Day Coaching Special with Heidi Farrell
Click HERE for this free printable for stepmoms for 8 ways to go from feeling like an outsider to a confident, content stepmom!
