One Sunday morning when the little ones were being watched in the nursery and I had the privilege of hearing the full sermon and being a part of the subsequent worship, the pastor asked us to open our hands. At first, it felt too vulnerable.
As a stepmom and bio mom of kids of various ages, getting to church and surviving the service hasn’t exactly been easy over the years!
The activity and energy… Ha, who am I kidding? The pure STRESS of getting our family dressed, fed, and hair looking decent, meant that simply getting out the door and squeezing into our minivan the first accomplishment.
Then trying to manage toddler meltdowns or sibling arguments or the occasional spousal tiff on the way to church and arrive somewhat on time was the second accomplishment.
And then the act of getting through a service, between nursing a baby and sitting with a toddler in the nursery, or poking my preteen stepson to sit up in the sanctuary…that always seemed to be the biggest accomplishment!
It’s true: There was always something that threatened take my focus off the service, off the worship, off the pastor’s words.
But over and over, especially in those early years when it seemed like I had so little control over my circumstances, control was exactly what I was holding onto the most.
In fact, in order to not feel out of control, my day-to-day life ended up looking like this:
-Control my stepson’s negative behavior.
-Control my stepdaughter’s bad attitude.
-Control my husband’s responses and reactions to make him the husband I needed him to be.
-Control how he communicated with his ex-wife so our lives wouldn’t be made more difficult.
In order to not feel out of control, I used logic, convinced, pushed, held on…whatever. Just.don’t.lose.control.
Yet, that need for control was the one thing God was trying to get me to let go of.
One Sunday morning when the little ones were being watched in the nursery and I had the privilege of hearing the full sermon and being a part of the subsequent worship, the pastor asked us to open our hands.
He asked us to allow the thing to go that needed to go the most.
For me, I knew it was my desire to fix and make things work better and…control.
My heart was open but my hands were tense. Reluctantly, I took my hands off the back of the chair in front of me and held them out. Then slowly, I relaxed my fingers until my hands were open before me.
At first it felt too vulnerable. There was a lot I had been gripping onto so tightly on this stepfamily journey; all with intentions of making our family happy and healthy.
But the longer I stood there with my hands open before me, I began to feel freedom of letting it all go.
With tears in my eyes, I knew the Holy Spirit was releasing me from the burden He knew I couldn’t keep carrying alone to fix and heal everything on my own.
He knew it was too difficult for me to control it all:
Control our circumstances, kids’ behaviors, marriage differences, you name it.
And so with that one simple act of obedience by opening my hands, I allowed the process of handing the reigns over to God to begin in my heart.
I felt an immediate lightness and sense of rejuvenation.
After that service, I squeezed my husband’s hand. And then I reached over and gave my stepkids each a little side hug. I felt free and they sensed it.
In fact, in the years that followed, no matter what stress it took to get out the door on a Sunday morning, there was often such a softness in my heart for my husband and stepkids upon leaving a service. Something in the sermon or in the worship time would speak directly to an issue I was struggling with.
It wasn’t because of me.
It was through the heart transformation that always occurred from just showing up at church even when it would have been easier to stay home, and by allowing the Holy Spirit to release me from the pressures of life, marriage and motherhood…just by being in His presence.
As my hands learned to relax and let go of the control, I felt the freedom of God’s promise of softening my heart to the truly important things in life. Things I had felt such a need to fix didn’t feel so broken. Things that had felt desperate didn’t seem so hopeless.
My heart had been opened to the person’s heart, instead of just the actions and behaviors that were bothering me.
And it always drew our family closer — even if the rest of the day was back to being filled with noise and arguments about homework or more toddler tantrums!
Because slowly but surely, Sunday after Sunday, God was teaching me about how to open my hands to give Him control…
…to let Him replace bitterness with love and compassion…weakness with strength…and unrest with peace.
Stepmom, what’s the thing that you need to let go of so you can begin to experience freedom and peace?
I hope you will make it a priority to find a church where you can grow in your faith. I pray you will make it a point to go, even when everything is working against you.
God wants to draw you near Him, and He wants to refresh and rejuvenate your soul!
